blessings upon blessings

Been a while since I last wrote… Think it’s about time I took a break about writing how shit life’s been and see the good than the bad.

Recently had one of those days when I just went through my old social media posts and it kinda made me reflect on things. I’m not quite sure how far back I exactly went, but I remember coming across my posts about almost three years ago when I was doing my A Levels, and having just sent my university applications.

I’ll be honest and say that since I started my A Level days in 2012, Loughborough was never an option. My mind was set on Manchester because well… The dream was to be there because I’d gone there a few years before and fell in love with the place (though 90% of the reason was football). But predicted grades came through which determined our university choices. If you’re unfamiliar with the UK application system, you’re given 5 choices maximum – ideally, 3 with requirements that are on your grades, and a uni whose requirements are a grade above and under your predicted grades.

Manchester was two grades above, and after much contemplation, I accepted that maybe it wasn’t meant for me and maybe being in the same country was just enough (I can guarantee that this is true, because I’m in my third year and I’ve only gone there once, haha). I remember how tough it was just looking for universities whose requirements matched my predicted grades and are in the Top 50. And quite honestly, after long hours looking through search engines, I finally picked 5.

But I only wanted one.

Sending off the applications was nerve-wrecking, my personal statement was very last minute (I literally had to rewrite it the week before I sent off my application) and like all of my friends and every student hoping to pursue higher education, I feared rejection. Day after day, I hear my friends squeal in joy when they get an offer. Day after day, my friends started getting offers from their first choice uni. I started getting mine too.. Aberdeen.. Keele.. Essex.. Coventry.. But it wasn’t the one that I want.

(In case you haven’t figured it out, Loughborough had already become my first choice then, cause it was the best uni that I applied to…) But of course sports had a role in that too, haha.

So back to my story… I was going through my Path (back then it was like Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare (hahaha) all in one app – before you can share pretty much any form of media on Twitter, etc so it was kind of a big thing then). Anyway, I don’t use it that much anymore so it didn’t take me long to go through my posts. Then I came across this post (screenshot below), dated almost three years ago – pretty sure this was when I had already heard back from four other universities but not Loughborough.

Imagine – not having heard from them and still, they send you emails saying “please pick us!” before they even picked you! But really, this post made me realise how much I’d wanted this place in uni, how quickly it became a dream (wasn’t really sure why, but I’d like to think there’s a good reason for everything!), and how, with prayers and effort, Alhamdulillah, I got what I wanted.

Funny how I look back, almost three years ago, I was desperate to get this place. Fast forward to today, I realise how much I’ve taken this for granted. Fast forward to today, I’m in the exact same university I desperately wanted to be accepted in, more than halfway through my degree already. Fast forward to today, I am only 7 months away from the finish line. And 7 months? It will go by like a breeze.

It’s funny how I can still vividly remember the time when I was skeptically waiting for the offer from this university like it just happened a few weeks ago, when I’ve already been here for more than two years now! Having gone to a school that unhealthily sets your 12/13-year old, first-year-of-secondary-school mind to equate success with studying abroad, I’ve always felt the pressure to give 110%. Throughout the whole time in school, way back from I started Form 1 (or Year 7), I was already dreaming of pursuing higher education abroad. Feels like I’ve just gotten out of school yesterday, when it’s been 5 years since my O Level (GCSE-equivalent) days, and almost 3 for my A Levels. And before I know it? I’ll be stepping out of that hall in university with my graduation cap and robe, with my degree in hand, InshaAllah.

What I’m trying to say is that we are only human. It’s almost second nature to want something so much, that when you have it, it’s easy to take it for granted – especially when things become hard, or when you feel dazed and confused. Being thrown with so much crap in every direction, I can’t deny that I’ve felt so lost for so many times this year. But things are slowly looking brighter. I’d like to think that there’s a reason why I felt like going through my old social media posts when I was feeling down and demotivated. That it was the extra kick I needed to realise how blessed I am to be here, and to remind myself why I’m here. Although not all things are that great now, I’d like to think that it will be, one at a time. Baby steps – slowly but surely.

Quite often, it’s so easy to overlook our blessings when we tend to overthink the negatives. Then again, it’s always so much easier to do the latter because when things get bad, we often think that it can’t get any better so naturally, we block out almost every ounce (if not all) of positivity there is. But Alhamdulillah for where I am today, for the people I have in my life, for being in a place I’ve always dreamed of being in (what became my first choice university, where I’d pursue higher education, etc), for the things I have, for every single thing there is that I can call mine, I truly am and feel blessed.

As for now, it’s counting blessings not misfortunes for me! (At least I’m trying to…)

Until then x