There are days that I miss you. Days I wonder how it all went wrong in just a split second. Days I wonder how it all changed so quickly. Days I wonder what it’d be like had I just dropped it.
Days I feel lonely, not because I don’t have anyone to talk to, but because they’re not you. Or because no one would understand, other than you.
Days I feel content, because now I’m free to think of me, and just me. Of not having the pressure to constantly please someone, or to make up for it when I don’t.
Days I feel so upset with myself. Of screwing it all up. When I see others happy with their partners thinking that I was once in that place but I lost it all over something stupid.
Days I don’t regret it all happening. For I get to learn to love myself again. And realise that life shouldn’t just revolve around one person. That I get to live a little. But mending a broken heart is no joke.
Days I pick on my sutures – and delay the healing process yet again. When I encounter old pictures of you and I. Or come across something that makes me revisit memories of you. The littlest things like the most stupid things we’d say, or argue about. Or the things we used to do together. Things you told me of which I then grew to like too, and vice versa.
Days I feel stronger than ever. And it wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for you. If it weren’t for the days I braved with smiles when all I wanted to do was stay in bed and cry all day. For the days I gave in and cried my eyes out. For the days I fought the urge to just come up and tell you how much I’d miss having you around, but I know it’s not fair.
Days I feel weak in the knees. Over the thought that I no longer mean anything to someone who used to look at me and see everything. That what I thought would last, didn’t. That what I hope would last, didn’t. That what I wished to have lasted, didn’t.
Days I’m thankful. For now I’ve been forced to take a step back, I see how my perceptions have been wrong all along. How it’s taught me how to be different next time.
Days I realise that you and I are both different people now. That although we were once everything to each other, we grew apart and maybe that’s the only way we get to be the best versions of ourselves that we could be.
Some days are bad, but mostly good. I realise that this journey that I’ve been forced onto won’t be easy. I realise that even if it goes downhill sometimes, what matters is getting back up on my feet again and continue fighting the battle. For me, and no one else. And even if it’s tough being out here alone, I know I’ll make it on my own. Because I’m strong. Because I have to. Because I can.
Bad days are a given – but to get up and kick their asses are something else. I don’t know how long it’ll take for me to fully heal, but I will get there. Slowly, but surely. Because I’m strong. Because I have to. Because I can.
silahk 